New Moon Rites of Passage

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Talking To Strangers

Strangers

Something very big is afoot. It bodes to utterly transform our entire humanity. And you are part of it.

People that are now in their late teen and early adulthood years are bringing something extraordinary to culture. Something unprecedented, inspired, and challenging.  They are bringing a deep and embodied understanding of what it is to be open to and embrace ‘the Other.’ Radical outliers, artists and social change mavericks have been touting this new paradigm for a while now. Justice, Equity, Diversity and Inclusion are the zeitgeist of the day. 

And just in the nick of time — as we in the U.S.A. as well as other countries around the world are mired in the culture wars of tribal polarization which threaten to unravel society, perhaps spectacularly.

I saw this potential new world in the safety video of the Delta flight I was on on this morning. I saw it in an Athletica catalog I leafed through yesterday. It’s showing up everywhere in popular culture (along with its opposite — groups of people defining their own tribes more explicitly . . . ). We’re not just talking about profound multi-culturalism, we are experimenting with doing it; with visioning what it actually looks and feels like — people of all races, ages, sexual orientation, and gender — living well together.

In my own world, I see it clearly in the Wilderness Guides Council, a network-based non-profit that was started thirty-seven years ago by a handful of fringy white folks in California who took people out on the land to fast in the age-old tradition of cultures all over the world. This organization is growing now, becoming more visible, and many voices of the younger people drawn to this work are demanding a change of mind, change of language; an awareness of sneaky unseen entitlement. It is rattling. I’m following their lead, allowing their new approach to enter me and deepen me. 

Because they are spot on.

It is my conviction (and I’m not alone here) that our capacity to widen our worldview to include all ‘others’ is the trajectory of evolution, so it’s not like we can ultimately thwart this trend. What young people bring always eventually gets integrated and becomes the new normal; these days much faster than in the days before industrialization and digital technology.

The corresponding movement toward re-defining and strengthening tribal boundaries is also important. As Terry Patten reminds us in his very interesting podcast conversation with social entrepreneur Tomas Björkman, humans evolved over tens of thousands of years in small bands. We are deeply wired to be part of a small tribe; and this evolutionary fact should not be ignored. For example, I am aware that the language of this blog contains certain ‘code’ words that will appeal to certain people, and make no sense or be a turn-off to others. I am speaking to my own tribe.

But our innate tribalism can be integrated into a larger multi-cultural context. Imagine a vast, global network of tribal circles that honor and understand each other enough, who find no need to make other tribes wrong or bad because they are very different. Yes there will be disagreement and conflict; but the nature of that conflict could be very, very different than it has ever been. We might not have to kill each other over ideology. It’s not an either/or equation. In fact, nature works this way, and works very well.

Now, on the everyday ground level, this big vision hits its threshold testing place where each of us is asked to learn how to be open to people we cannot understand, and whose values seem to trample on ours. Right now, in 2020, we are smack dab in the middle of a huge experiment. How we might pass this threshold? It is one of the oldest barriers in human behavior and thinking — demonizing the bad people. 

Today we have knowledge, tools and capacities that we have never had before. We have greater understanding of how the mind works (though ancient Tibetan Buddhists and others knew and still know much more than we do), of how the brain and nervous system works. We have connecting technologies that have revolutionized our exposure to the ‘other.’ Many of us have done a great deal of inner work, have seen our own shadows and blind spots and have grown our compassion and empathy, the work of sages and saintly people throughout the ages.

So I am standing on the side of possibility. In fact, of probability.

Last week, the third Soul Talks kicked off at Dave and Kris’ home. Twenty-five people showed up. The theme of this year’s three-session series was ‘Connecting Beyond Borders.’ Dave and I wanted to bring people together to share their views on the hard realities of talking to people you don’t agree with.

I was humbled by what I heard in this first meeting. People feeling lots of grief about what was happening in America. People angry that they couldn’t understand their own fathers, or sons-in-law, or childhood friends. People yearning to connect to others at a deeper level. People willing to look at their own dearly-held assumptions about what was ‘right.’ People deeply committed to the courage it takes to be still and listen to another’s point of view when it hurts to hear it. The evening opened a lot of energy up, opened hearts, and ruffled feathers. I sensed a hope, a new energy of possibility emerging.

Subsequently, one friend who had attended sent me a Washington Post opinion editorial by Arthur Brooks, a conservative, who gave the 2020 address to the National Prayer Breakfast last week. Another sent me an article by Buddist teacher and activist Rev. angel Kyodo Williams about inner work and social change. Each say critically important things for us to hear.

The urge, the imperative we feel to pass this threshold is strong. And let me be clear. The process is not easy. It takes courageous people (people like you because you are reading this blog still) who are willing to put their weight on the side of self-examination and courageous outreach for a tipping point to occur.

I am making a strong call for the kind of activism that will absolutely make the most profound difference in this threshold time: 1. do your inner work, and 2. learn how to talk to someone with whom you disagree.

And then let’s watch what happens.